Great question, Scott. Self-gaslighting is sneaky because it often feels like you’re just being “reasonable” or “humble,” when in reality, you’re invalidating your own emotions and experiences. Here are some signs that might indicate someone is gaslighting themselves:
🚨 Common Signs of Self-Gaslighting
You constantly second-guess your feelings.
You might think, “I’m probably just overreacting” or “It wasn’t that bad,” even when something clearly hurt you.
You make excuses for others’ harmful behavior.
For example, “They didn’t mean it like that,” or “I must’ve misunderstood” — even when the behavior was objectively disrespectful.
You minimize your own trauma or pain.
Saying things like “It wasn’t real trauma” or “Other people have it worse” can be a way of denying your own suffering.
You feel like your emotions are invalid or irrational.
You might suppress anger, sadness, or fear because you believe you “shouldn’t” feel that way.
You blame yourself for things that aren’t your fault.
Internalizing guilt or shame for situations where you were actually the victim is a classic sign.
You struggle to trust your own judgment.
You might constantly seek external validation or feel paralyzed when making decisions.
You feel broken or fundamentally flawed.
This deep-rooted belief often stems from internalized messages from past abuse or neglect.
🧠 Why It Happens
Self-gaslighting often develops from being gaslit by others — especially in childhood or toxic relationships. Over time, you internalize those voices and start doubting yourself even when no one else is doing it to you.
💡 What You Can Do
Practice affirmations that validate your experience.
For example: “My feelings are real and valid,” or “I don’t need to justify my pain to anyone.”
Slow down and reflect before dismissing your emotions.
Ask yourself: “What am I feeling, and why?” instead of jumping to “I’m probably wrong.”
Talk to a therapist or trusted friend.
Sometimes, an outside perspective can help you see what you’ve been minimizing.
Want help crafting affirmations or journaling prompts to challenge self-gaslighting? I’d be glad to help.
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