I’ve been paying attention to the energy level behind my emotions. Meggie got pissed at me for not offering to bring home food for her even though when we talked about it, she told me to, “forget about it.” Before I left, Meggie mentioned she’d like me to bring back something different. She asked me when I’d be shopping in Portland, I said around 5:30 p.m. She said to forget about it then. It was clear to me that my being in Portland at 5:30 p.m. would mean that, one way or another, I’d get home past dinner time. Either I’d sit in traffic, or I’d stay behind and leave later. Either way puts me home later than dinner time. So in my mind, we’d already discussed my bringing home food. That didn’t stop her from getting pissed at me last night when I got back. That didn’t stop her from reminding me of utterly thoughtless things I’ve done years in the past. Things for which I’ve apologized for. The curious thing is that my reaction didn’t register very high on the energy scale. I apologized for not touching bases with her and for not offering to bring back food. I apologized a few times. It didn’t matter. She was pissed. And my reaction was mild. This is a good thing. I’ve been working hard to make sure my reactions to her are not disproportionate. I think it’s working.
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